BNR32 Breakdown for Cardomain

[CDGuy]

you have a decent article there but it's replete with spelling and grammar errors and some of the info presented is blatantly incorrect

eg

"Nissan had also retrofitted the then new GT-R with the ATTESA E-TS System, which stood for ?Advanced Total Traction Engineering System for All-Terrain?,"

Grammarical dysfunctions? I'm usually very thorough with my grammar, and the ATTESA-ETS abreviation is in fact correct, as far I know.

[spd-dmn]

if you'd like, i can go through and list some of the mechanical writing errors for your benefit

and the abbrev is ATTES for All Electronic Torque Split

[CDGuy]

if you'd like, i can go through and list some of the mechanical writing errors for your benefit

and the abbrev is ATTES for All Electronic Torque Split

Well then, thank you for clarifying. And feel free to go through and list all of my errors.

Thank you for your help,

Steve.

[Turismo]

and the abbrev is ATTES for All Electronic Torque Split

there is no way that's correct. The words and abbreviated letters don't even match up.

The ETS part stands for electronic torque split. The rest of i think CDguy has right

[spd-dmn]

... I even bolded the letters for you.

let me do the full thing this time, then. maybe that will help?

ATTESA ETS

Advanced Total Traction Engineering System for All Electronic Torque Split

[CDGuy]

Oh boy... let's just agree to disagree, shall we guys?

[spd-dmn]

Steve one of the most prevalent issues I found in your piece was your serious overuse of commas.

I used to do the same thing and my grade 9 english teacher told me i had comma diarrhea. You have it too. So chill out a bit on the commas

eg. "Forget your physics professor, and his odd ability to recite every car ever made since 1901. "

don't need one there


"And unlike my BNR32 GT-R N1 post, this will be more of a test drive, and a heavy duty knowledge dose, if you will."

don't need those except perhaps between 'dose' and 'if'


"Their entry was their brand new Skyline 2000GTB/GT sedan, a small but lightweight offering, that offered decent performance at a better then decent price."

same thing.


and so on and so forth.

something else i noticed was your use of "it's" instead of the proper possessive pronoun "its".


Your sentence structure could use some work. there are many sentences with oddly or improperly joined clauses that could be rewritten more clearly.

eg. "Everyone knows the R35 GT-R, with it’s side-splitting power, speed, and handling, it is a great car."

the two clauses in that sentence would have been better separated by a semi-colon rather than a comma. Or divided into two separate sentences.


Finally, you used a couple words out of context

eg. "The car beholds a vicious temper."


Those are some of the things you can address if you'd like to clean up your writing a bit.

Sorry if this sounds overly critical but I can clearly see you love writing about cars and would love to see you improve your skills.

[CDGuy]

Steve one of the most prevalent issues I found in your piece was your serious overuse of commas.

I used to do the same thing and my grade 9 english teacher told me i had comma diarrhea. You have it too. So chill out a bit on the commas

eg. "Forget your physics professor, and his odd ability to recite every car ever made since 1901. "

don't need one there


"And unlike my BNR32 GT-R N1 post, this will be more of a test drive, and a heavy duty knowledge dose, if you will."

don't need those except perhaps between 'dose' and 'if'


"Their entry was their brand new Skyline 2000GTB/GT sedan, a small but lightweight offering, that offered decent performance at a better then decent price."

same thing.


and so on and so forth.

something else i noticed was your use of "it's" instead of the proper possessive pronoun "its".


Your sentence structure could use some work. there are many sentences with oddly or improperly joined clauses that could be rewritten more clearly.

eg. "Everyone knows the R35 GT-R, with it’s side-splitting power, speed, and handling, it is a great car."

the two clauses in that sentence would have been better separated by a semi-colon rather than a comma. Or divided into two separate sentences.


Finally, you used a couple words out of context

eg. "The car beholds a vicious temper."


Those are some of the things you can address if you'd like to clean up your writing a bit.

Sorry if this sounds overly critical but I can clearly see you love writing about cars and would love to see you improve your skills.

That was easily the best critique I've ever had.

And to be completely honest it felt great hearing it.

Not once did I even feel bad for making a mistake because you made it all come out so perfect. I do love writing about cars. I love it so much that it's a career I want to pursue, more then anything else.

Mike, thank you so much for your complete honesty and help. It means alot and I'll try to avoid that comma diarrhea! :wink:

Regards,

Steve.