Guide a fellow GTRCer with a real life tragedy

[SpartanAir]

Hey man,

Listen: I understand it's alot more complicated when you are living under the same roof and things aren't working out. But you gotta put an end to her ********, and you gotta leave!

What she is doing is something that women do VERY well: MANIPULATION.

Now I'm not a misogynist woman hater by any means, but this is the truth. Men are more direct when they try to get what they want, and women manipulate.

She is getting everything she needs right now! She's SET! She gets sex and abuse from her ex, and she gets love and pity from you. She's getting all her needs met, and as messed up as it is, she couldn't have it any better.

Telling you she feels guilty, assuring you she's done with him and then calls him when YOU are in the other room??? Honestly man, it's f*cking bullsh*t. Please don't put up with that. You have to let yourself see that she is getting everything she needs right now, at whatever cost. She's nice to you, then ignores you the next day. But it's trained behaviour. She knows she can get away with it because you are always there. JUST LEAVE!!!

And another thing: Why do YOU have to leave? I know you are co-signed, but as far as I'm concerned, she's cheating on you. Can you just kick her out, pay her share for a month and take your time to move. You HAVE TO put your foot down and be done with this.

For the sake of guys everywhere, you must lay down the law!

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but if there's anything I've learned lately, is that life really is short. Think of your life as an hourglass. You really do only have so much time! WHY does SHE need to take up so much of that precious time? There is so much to do out there, so many people to meet that logically, it simply doesn't make sense to continue even keeping her in your thoughts. Wouldn't you rather be thinking about driving your car? Playing with your kids? Meeting that new person that makes you feel awesome?

It may be hard to envision right now but really try to. It's not too late to start again.

[judasentinel]

I dont have it in me to be mean to her, and yes, I know what you're saying about asking her to leave. She cannot physically go back to him because they both have restraining orders against seeing each other. And yet they do that all the time. She has nowhere else to go - the whole house is filled with HER stuff. I neevr had anything beyond my big-ass old school music system, my TV a mattress and junk that I dont use (all crammed in a separate storage room in the house). Plus I have my two cars and my bike. I dont have much to move out, except the cars, btu she has no place else to go.

Paying her off is not an option, both because I dont have the money to pay her off, and I cannot afford the rent on my own. She can, because her ex will give her the money to live there if need be.

The main thing is that I need to cough up money to move out. And I need to get better and not give in to temptation and manipulation. I am there for her all the time and you're right that she has it all - best of both worlds. Sexually as well, she gets it with me when SHE wants, even now. But thats not the real thing. The main thing is that SHE has made promises and used me, just like before.

[R32_TDOT]

do you rent or own the house?, if you own, boot the b**ch out

if you rent, dissapear with ur stuff when she's not there and let her deal with her own problems..

[NismoS-tune]

Don't be like a woman that's beaten by her husband (Oh but he'll change, he loves me) and never leaves...

Go get an escort or something, go unload that "gun" and think clearly. go to the bar and mack on some 18 year olds (unless you're 30+ lol).

It's not for everyone but riding a new/better bike makes me forget my favorite/long time bike that doesn't run right and cost more money and grief to fix. This is what I've done is similar situations. You're not a sl$t if you're a guy

Some ideas with a twist of humor. I'm not saying you're looking for pity when you go back to her then ask for help again, I'm just saying maybe you need to change your strategies. GIT R DUN, unload that "clip".


EDIT: Oh ya, about the flippy behavior, doesn't like anything different from the original post. Either cold turkey and let her drop (as nice as you can while being firm and serious, minus the yelling/beating) otherwise you're always gonna be the nice guy she uses as a safety cusion that cost nothing emotionally or financially. If I was her and you were liek you are, why would I not use you.... no offence but she's got her made. She goes to the #1 guy cause it's love, then comes to the backup when he treats her like crap. If you're not there to catch her, maybe she'll make a final choice (guess what, it's not you) and either stay with him and wear more make up or simple move away from everything and learn the obvious lesson.

[Paradis]

a little late to the thread... but i'm a counselor.

[Snake556]

Judas, use that anger that you're feeling. But not in a negative way. You just have to break that view of her in your head as something you need, and show your mind that she's hurting you, and you're far better off without her. The guys have really hit the nail on the head here. You need to just get in your GTR and get out there and meet some people. Get to know some new girls. It's gonna be hard, but we're all here for you, mano. We know you can get through this!

And hey, if you're ever in London, or if you need some help working on your car, give me a shout, man. Always down for chilling with fellow GTRCers!