Guide a fellow GTRCer with a real life tragedy

[judasentinel]

Thank you all once again.....I have a bit of clarity. And to what plankworx just shared, i.e.,

1)Strong, independant, dominant reproductive partner - I was strong and independent, but I was not dominant. The other guy is strong and dominant, but not independent. He cannot even read and cannot make even a phone call to customer service people to make any changes to his cellphone plans, etc..
2)Reliable, devoted, prosperous primary provider (can also be reproductive partner, see marriages that work, but often not the case) - I was reliable and devoted, but not prosperous. The other guy is reliable and prosperous, but he was abusive, so wasn't devoted
3)Friendly, supportive secondary providers (friends/associates etc) - I have been this, and the other guy NOW is all this too, since he has "stopped doing drugs and drinking"

You are all so right when you mention your own examples and what you think of what she is doing. She has daddy issues and that is a fact, because she was sexually and emotional and physically abused by her dad, along with her sisters. She grew up wanting to set things right with a father-figure. This guy that she keeps going back to, is over 48 yrs old and she is only 34. So go figure.

All the above is fun and dandy. But I need distraction. I need healthy, wholesome distraction and an alternative as Carter (hozer) said earlier. My GTR has been a source of joy, but the way things stand, and as I have sold so many of the things off of it, I dont think I will have the ability to put it back together AND move out. Its one or the other. It cannot be both, unless I win a $2000 lottery, lol.

I still need parts, still need friends to cheer me up. And I am reaching out to you guys, because to me, although I have never met most of you, you guys have al come through for me. You have helped me with your advice and guidance and suggestions more than even my closest friends from my teenage years would have. I love you all, and I mean it in a completely non-gay way ........

For those in/around GTA, if you guys would help me out in sourcing out parts that I need to get her ready, that would really help. Beer and wings are on me, and I will also pay whatever I can for the parts. I dont need or want any favors, because a favor to me becomes a business transaction, which must be returned. Otherwise it becomes resentment. If you call me your friend, you will see what kind of a friend I am - who would cut himself up for you before letting any harm come to you. You have shown me with your kind words what a fantastic bunch of human beings you all are. And age is nothing to go by in this case. I have heard mature and sound opinions from many of you who are half my age. And it heartens me and brings tears to my eyes that you all were kind enough to invest a few minutes of your life into making mine a bit better. Isn't that what community and love and friendship are all about?

Thanks a gazillion, my friends. I will try and list down what I need to get my GTR going and maybe some of you have parts that I need:

1. Hood
2. Front bumper with lip
3. Wheels and rubber
4. FMIC
5. Headlights and corner lights
6. Downpipe
7. Reverse lights
8. Trunk latch
9. BOVs
10. Someone to appraise the car for cheap so I can register it in my name
11. Putting the tranny in and putting the car together (engine already dropped in)
12. MAF

It is hard for me to ask for help. The car has been stuck in the ground for a good 3 months now, as the ground shifted due to rain and thawing snow. I cannot do it all by myself. And I with a limited budget, where I can either move, OR buy some parts, it is hard to do both. But I cannot move unless the car is worthy of being moved. So my first option is to secure a decent set of wheels and rubber.

I wish she could somehow see where she has brought me to.....I dont wish ill on her, because revenge is a useless action. I do hope and wish to God that He opens her eyes and helps her learn to live a healthy and wholesome life. I forgive her. I do.

Thanks again, all of you. Today, I can surely say that I have friends and am not alone. Now find me a good girlfriend, lol.

[Terrh]

I didn't read the other 3 pages (gotta go to work) but from your first post here's all I can offer you:


get out, get out now.

it's going to suck hard short term but you're in a pretty destructive cycle here and you need to get out. I think you've seen why you need to get out, so now get it done.

[M-SPEC]

Glad your feeling a bit better .... it does take a while to get over drama like that.

Sounds like the best idea is to find a new place to live with out all the problems and have your skyline towed to the new place, you might not be able to drive it right away but at least you will be in a healthy evironment. Then you can start getting the GTR back in shape for the summer.

I have a set of stock GTS rims you can have ..but there out here in BC so it might not be worth the shipping, but if you need them their yours

[Kras]

Leave her and find somebody else, I know it sounds hard to do but you will be better off if you end the relationship and forget about her - trust me.

You seem like a very well spoken and intelligent individual and you deserve better.

[louis110]

Seems like you're in a chipper mood now. It's great that you're taking everyone's advice here.

I'll be back in Toronto this summer. We'll go for a cup of coffee or something and go woman hunting if you're down for it. I'm always up for a good hunt

[judasentinel]

I had a talk with her today. Well, apparently, she only gets turned on by me and loves me when she is drunk. She admits she does not know what she wants (she is 34, WTF??!!), but she says that when she is sober, she does not like me. I feel like crap right now.....Im not even hideous, and to tell me that she loves me when she is totally uninhibited, makes me hate myself as if there is something wrong with me.

[R32_TDOT]

ok so you just proved shes a complete rehtard.... say it with me... NEEEXXXXTTT

[x_o_k_x]

Im in kinda same situation, but Im still veryy young. I move on to the next girl on my list lol Everyone deserve to be happy in this world. So do what makes you happy and dont look back. Just enjoy your life and you will find someone who is 100000 times better. Dont let her bring you down, you dont deserve it, no one does. Go out man and have some fun with your friends and try to get the mind off of her.

PS Get your car going!!!!!!!!!!

[supguyex]

okay.. if she has the balls to say crap like that, get rid of her... clearly she doesn't know how good she has it and always forgets what rock bottom feels like... remind her... and never let her forget...

[Snow]

So it may not be 100% relevant, and not nearly on the same scale, but at the time it sure seemed so.

When I was in highschool I "fell" for my best friend. Freaking "loved" the chick. She had a bf. He was a massive **** to her as well. Never hit her, but he wasn't shy in the fashion of forcing himself onto her when she didn't feel like giving a bj or having sex (she didn't want to sleep with him, but he forced her. Stand up guy right?) When I found out this whole physical forcing thing, I told her to get out. I was pissed. I actually knew the route he walked home from work on (at 1:00am in Surrey) and had a few friends waiting for him to beat the hell outta the guy. She told me not to, and of course I didn't, rather pass by him with a simple "Hey what's up" and he was none the wiser (well he found out months later when he was talking to a friend behind my back, apparently the look on his face was to die for).

She knew I liked her, admitted she liked me, but would never break up with him. Tried time and time again. Waited for 11 months (which in grade 11 or whatever feels like eternity). Finally dated her. Got about 6 months in and was like wtf am I doing? Then I dragged it out for another year and a half, thinking I waited so long... Went through so much... There must be a reason. And there wasn't. Was practically looking for a reason to break up with the girl and took the first I could. Even that was a long painful process.

In the beginning I thought she was the only one for me. In the end I could hardly stand her; actually ruined a good friendship. If she's treating you like this then you definitely deserve better. I hope and pray to god that you don't actually take this irrational woman seriously. Based on her judgement on relationships and guys, I seriously hope you see that she is just as crazy in what she says about you, as she is crazy about what she says about the other guy. She's waaaay out in left field.

Now imagine this. You fight for her. You fight hard. And you win. It's just you two. He's in jail, or moves across the country for work or w/e. You two are together. Are you ever going to go back to what she just said and ask yourself "Is she really attracted to me?" You will never forget it. Now imagine you get years down the road and realize she's not the right one. All you want to do is leave, but you can't. You're a selfless person and you know she'll end up with another ass. So for her, you stay with her, and torture yourself. Been there too. Not fun.

Honestly man, get out. Move out. Go sleep on a friends couch. Go sleep on your parents couch. Sleep on a co-workers couch. (Hell will someone give this guy a couch to sleep on already?!)

And PS. FCUK her dog.FCUK any promises or commitments you've made to her. You owe her NOTHING. And tell her that. Tell her to figure her **** out on her own. Close all connections. Lose all contact. Don't ever even make eye contact with the bitch again. If you do that, if you last the first week, you're ******* golden, and you know it.But part of you wants to stay. To see it play out. To give her one last chance. That undying one last chance. Convince yourself it isn't worth your time and that's all you need. So simple, yet so complex; near but far.

[gtrtt]

I've got a pile of parts from my single conversion so down pipe should be there as well as turbos, etc and a whole pile of plumbing. I'll check this weekend. if you need any stock pieces and I have them then they are yours for free but with one caveat; you promise to leave your mill-stone and find someone more deserving.
P.M. me

Nick

[Skym]

Definitely sounds like she loves the other guy and have encountered a lady like that before. Don't take it to heart, just move on. Trust me, you find a better girl that would never think of hurting you in that way.

About looks, they only attract a person, your personality seals the deal. When you get older, looks don't matter as much, so it's more personality.

[judasentinel]

Skym Im not lacking in the looks department at all. In fact quite the contrary. She is attracted to me physically, but then denies it on occasion. I am not concerned with physicaly beauty myself, mine or her. The reason she was attracted to me WAS looks, I admit. But then it went beyond that. We were best friends. We had been until she turned around and went back to the other guy. There is no trust now. And when there is no trust, there is no relationship, no friendship, and no romance. It is all business.

It F U C K I N G hurts, man.

And I feel like a schmuck, continuing on with this soap opera on the forum.

[Lv2exlr8]

Hey, I've been reading through some of your posts the last few days...I have recently moved to Toronto from Ottawa and hardly know anyone here. I am currently living in Oshawa (why is beyond me lol) and work usually downtown daily. If you wanted to grab a coffee or something, or need a set of skilled hand or tools for the GTR or just wanted to talk i would be willing to lend a hand. Anyways, pm me.

Kyle.

[CDGuy]

Judassentinel, my advice usually, is no good.

That being said, because I understand your pain to a certain degree, I wanna not give you advice, but tell you a bit of my story, and tell you where I went from where I was. Maybe you can learn from it...

I was only a teen, at 18, when I dated a girl named Kaoru. We didn't really mean to start dating, but after meeting at a ski resort, she had shown an interest, and given me her email and number. She was very FOB at the time, but I could understand her enough to like her. Apparently she could do the same for me. When we had met, she had been sitting in the lodge at Horseshoe Valley, waiting for her "friend" to come down the hill. From the moment I had met her she had lied to me. I suspect this is one of the reasons for where her and I ended up, even to now.

Her and I talked for a few hours, drinking hot chocolate, and discussing the fact that I flat out sucked at snowboarding. She told me she was txting her friend from time to time, letting him know she was okay, etc. When he came down from the hill, he stood at the window behind me, and waved her out, to drive her home.

She smiled, gave me her info, and left. Little did I know that this innocent FOB girl was going to royally hurt me over the course of the next two years.

Approximately 2 weeks later, I phoned this girl, asked her if she remembered me. Kaoru said she did, and she really wanted to hang out. Eager to hang out with her, because not only was she breathtaking to look at, but amazing to talk to, I asked her out on a little lunch date, in those exact words.

She was so happy when we met up, and went on our date. We went everywhere... I test drove some car simulator, which I couldn't drive for crap. We went to stores and tried on clothes. We shared a subway meatball sub, and talked about all the songs on her iPod. We held hands. We even shared a kiss. She told me she used to model in Japan, which was unsurprising to me, since she was almost 6ft tall, and had the looks for it.

She then admitted to me at the end of this date that her friend she had been waiting for at the slopes was indeed her boyfriend, and that she felt horrible, because she really liked me. At this time, she had already cheated on him, and she now had, of course, made me feel like ****. She told me that over the past few weeks, she would make love to him (he was considerably older, something like 26 or 27) and she would feel a sense of pain, and often found herself crying afterwards, because she liked me so much. She didn't know what to do, but she knew she wanted me. She insisted she would leave him, and come to me, if I could give her some time. I cared for her a lot by the end of this date, so I tried to set aside my pain and understand her, and said "Okay."

Since she lived approximately 50km's away from me, going to see her every week wasn't hard, but obviously not every day. Her and I solved that issue by daily phone calls, where we would talk about love, about each other, how much we missed each other... In one of her phone calls, she admitted that she loved me. I felt so secure, since even though it had been such a short time, she was willing to committ to leaving her rather old boyfriend. I thought she was so brave to face a man so much older then her, especially in a culture where they were both from, where it's considered an honour to date such an older man who is done University.

I truly felt good. She finally told me she left him, and I felt better. We met up again, but this time, we held hands, and we were so happy. We went to the same mall, spent a better amount of time together, and she said aloud that she loved me alot.

I thought we were set!

At that time we were about 3 months into the relationship, maybe closer to 4. I offered an invite to her to come to Midland, where I lived, for a day, and come and be my special guest at my birthday party. It was to be a huge party, and being my guest, she'd be pretty important. She said she'd love to!

She came, and we had the party. It was huge, and a huge failure. 500 people, smashed walls, cops... a badly set up smashfest. Through it all, she stood by my side, and held my hand, never letting go. Maybe it was out of fear, or what, but she later told me she felt safe with me, like I would protect her. Those words would mark a scar into me that I still cannot let go to this day.

Once the cops cleared, the people left, and the mess was somewhat clean, I took her to bed. We didn't have sex (Just as a note, we didn't have sex at all during this relationship, which was perfectly fine with me). Before we went to bed, I kissed her, and told her I loved her. Tears fell down her face as she said she loved me too, and I thought they were tears of happiness. I held her close, and we fell asleep.

In the morning, I could have sworn that I woke to an angel. She slept in front of me, hand under the pillow, with a slight smile on her face, and ran my fingers through her hair to wake her. She woke, and I kissed her again. Again, the tears came back.

I asked her what was wrong. She said she hadn't wanted to tell me the night before, but she had never left her boyfriend like she said she had.

All this time she had been cheating on me, and cheating on him. I felt bad for her, but I also felt hurt. I let my grudge fade, and I forgave her once again. I arranged a drive home for her, and went with her, back to barrie, holding her hand all the way. I kissed her as she got out of the car, the last kiss we'd ever have, and I told her I'd wait for her.

For the next few months, her and I shared calls. I practically begged her to understand how much I love her, to forgive her twice, when her boyfriend didn't even know once. She said she agreed, but the distance kept escalating. We would still talk. But where as I said I love you, she would become more distant.

From one day to the next, she'd play me like a guitar. One end of extreme love, to another end of extreme (best I can call it) ignorance.

She finally left him, but she refused to see me again. She refused to be anything but a friend, and it later got to a point, where she didn't even want to be that.

I found out she was a Tokyo club girl, and for anyone familiar with Tokyo, that means that when she was in Japan, she would go clubbing every night, making out with other men, sometimes, even worse. I never put her down for it. I found out she lied to me about other things, some small, some big. It never phased me. My love for her was like a huge bridge, and no matter what she told me to try and break it, it wouldn't break.

Eventually, I just let her be. She asked for it, and I said I would not even be her friend, but that I would still wait for her.

In September 2009, we met up again. She had left her boyfriend, and just recently, left her new Indian boyfriend. We met up because over the phone she had expressed that she couldn't forget about me. She said she thought and felt me everyday. She was the original out of the blue caller, not me. I had been at home with my current girlfriend, when I had received Kaoru's call.

Remembering that I was waiting for her still, I told my current girlfriend the situation. Maybe out of love, or maybe out of hate, my current girlfriend let me go see Kaoru.

Once I went to spend time with Kaoru, I broke down mentally and physically. The tears and pain I had held in for so long came out and I broke down. I told her how long I had waited for her, how much I had loved her. I told her about all the anguish she had put me through, but most importantly I told her that all that pain... I would still put it aside to be with her. I told her I never stopped loving her more then anything.

Thinking that's what she had wanted to hear, since she initiated the whole meet up, I waited for a response. She told me she couldn't be with me, and couldn't be my friend. I asked to kiss her... to maybe show her physically how I felt. She declined. I asked to hold her hand a little bit, and she let me do so in the mall. She even started crying when I played a song for her that made me think of her. I couldn't tell from her mixed up feelings where she was at, but she did indeed agree that since she always felt and thought of me, we should do something about it.

I left, and waited for the response I had been waiting for for almost two years.

It came mid September, with a resounding no.

A no to everything.

I called her in December, telling her I was thinking of taking a trip to Japan. She was excited, but she reminded me that it hurt her to talk to me. She got mad at me, like I was supposed to know this. She said she didn't want to even be my friend, and she was very very cold.

I shuddered at her brisk tone, because not ever had I ever received it before. I had never stalked her, or done anything to push her. I always told her I'd wait, and that I loved her enough to wait. She always told me she shared the same feelings, which had been my motivation.

She hung up on me.

In February, of 2010, I tried to email her. I got back the "the postmaster etc..." email.

I tried calling, and no service.

I called her friend, who had told me that Kaoru, had gone back to Japan. She would never come back to Canada.

She had left without even saying goodbye, and without leaving me any contact details.

I just woke up from a dream about her, where she came to visit me, never showed as I waited all night up for her, her boyfriend coming and confronting me during that night, as she hid away watching. I stood tall, and him and I exchanged kind words. Then he left, and I saw her follow him. I followed them back to the hotel, and heard the moans from their room.

ctd....