Guide a fellow GTRCer with a real life tragedy

[Driftacular]

Good on you man!
if you need to move the car gimme a pm! i have CAA + so towing on flatbeds is pretty much freee!!

[Oakville]

on a much smaller level, why does this look so familiar...

[caliber676]

I think we all feel your pain in one way or another, Love has hurt everyone and it is the worst kind of pain.

I'm going to be very blunt right now, but I hope you understand that I mean it with the best and most motivated intentions.

DITCH THE B *TCH. Do NOT talk to her, do not see her, do not associate yourself with her in anyway. You saying that you'll stay friends with her is not a good approach to things and will only lead to hardship in the future. She has been toying with your emotions, teasing you in every way and using you as a crutch to deal with her own problems, she should realize she is a terrible person for that and should stop. Telling you that she loves you is a complete joke, if she truly did she would realize how she has hurt you and done what is right to stop. BUT she won't, she is clearly so emotionally f*cked up and shelfish that she cannot look past her own problems to see the world around her. Just give up on her, she's not worth a second look or any more effort on your part. You MUST realize this first, if you can't you won't ever get past this. I have dealt with women like this and this is how I approached it. Tell her everything, get mad, stand up for yourself! Tell her how she has put your life in ruins, tell her that she is shelf centered, tell her she needs to get her head out of her ass. And lastly, tell her its over, you never want to speak to her again and tell her your moving on to bigger and better things that you deserve. Make sure she knows this and DO NOT go back on your word.

Whenever I am dealing with something bad in my life i go by the phrase my mother told me, "live life for yourself, you have to do what is right for you". That is exactly what you need to do. You've spent so much time emotionally invested in someone else that you NEED to focus on yourself, this is YOU-time. Go out, live your life, do what you want. Go to new places and meet new people even if its five minutes from home and you meet a homeless person. Get your priorities straight in life. You only live once, you only have so much time, why waste it on someone who gives you nothing back? Do what makes you truly happy. Love has its hard times and love is trying, but love should never make you feel lower than dirt and keep you there. Hold out for a love that makes you truly happy.


Just reading your story and connecting to your words, I know you deserve so much better than this and don't hold out for anything less than that. You know what you have to do, so please, for your sake, do it.

[J-Ran]

have you tried hitting her? apparently she likes that

[M-SPEC]

Hey Juda, I have not posted much lately here. But when I read this I thought I would offer my advice. First off your good guy with good intentions, and you have many friends here on GTRC.

One important thing I have learned over the years is "You can’t help any one until you learn to help yourself" this may sound old fashioned but it is very true.

Helping people is great, that is what makes mankind special in a way, but helping another to the point it causes your own demise is illogical. Much like a sinking ship you can bail and bail, try to plug holes, it may buy you some time but its still going to sink ... at what point do you go down with the ship or try to save your own life? I know using analogies may not give the best advice but some times its better to look at a situation from a different perspective.

I have had my heart torn out and stomped like a cigarette butt before, I know what you’re going through, and it’s a horrible feeling. From that experience I learned a few things

1: A relationship must be balanced to work (i.e. shared household work / duties,
income, emotional support ect)

2: Trust, it is earned ...if you don’t trust your partner, you’re wasting your time

3: Don’t try to change some one into what they are not ... you can make a R32 look like
a R34 but is still a R32

The best advice I can give you is get back to yourself, you NEED to get out of the toxic environment that is destroying you. Don’t worry about relationships, a woman should not define you nor do you need one to be defined as a man. Just work on getting back to the normal happy you, once your out of that place and get some distance between you and the source of your problems life will be a lot better for you.

It sounds like your GTR is one thing that makes you happy...so keep it for sure, do what ever you can to rent another place it will be worth it. There are a lot of nice people on GTRC who would give you a hand.

What do you need to get your GTR going?
A fair amount of us have extra stock parts kicking around

Hang in there dude

[supguyex]

k.. didn't read everything others posted in full on detail....
but basically the girl is damaged good... i'd imagine she probably has some daddy issues and as much as we all suffer from the knight in shining armor syndrome, you're better off washing your hands clean of the bitch. your life will be enriched the sooner you leave her and just cut off contact. no facebook messages, no phone calls, no nothing.... i've cut contact with a whole group of friends and changed churches just to stop seeing a girl and i think it's worth it. if it means moving her out, or kicking her out, then do it. she obviously does not appreciate you for your love or help or anything, i'd even go as far to say she's taking advantage of you... she's got daddy issues... i'm willing to bet her dad wasn't that great a guy either or she'd be with you. she's not worth your time and even if she does end up with you, she won't be very good at being in the relationship, and she may be difficult with children as well... damaged goods will always remain damaged.

you've obviously been the bigger guy in this relationship but you have to know when to say enough. Just say: that's it get out. i've bailed your ass out of **** too many times. you fool me once shame on you.. you fool me twice.. shame on me.

tl;dr... get her out of your life. you'll meet many better women out there who can appreciate you better

on a more positive note.... are you part of a church? if not i recommend you find one and join a small group.... you meet lots of different people and many will have surprisingly similar circumstances to you. give it a shot. if you don't know any good ones, i'm sure i could find a pretty good one for you.. i'm well hooked up hahaha

[Shadao]

ditch the bitch
find a new one

and with all that pent up rage or what ever... focus it into yourself, be selfish, and do things for yourself not for people like her, she only used you nothing more...

10yrs from now she wont even remember you, but you may remember her

[flipridah17]

Sorry to hear brother.

I agree with most of the people here. Your only way is OUT while you still can. It will be hard for few months but hey, if you focus your anger on work and think positive, your creative side will come out.

You sound like a great guy so don't be a victim. There will be a better one out there for you. Hence why you should let go now for a better one. Do not look for LOVE, LOVE will find you.

Someday, you will understand what I mean. I didn't believe in that saying before myself. But just wait and you'll see..

Good luck to you brother and take it easy!

[Keen]

personally i would leave, would lose contact with her never look back and find something that you would forget about her, like church groups as others stated, check out car meets around town, do stuff with your kids.
sorry just my 2 cents

[Daryl @ RightDrive]

Those who have been abused, will abuse others. It's a domino effect. She will never be able to give you what you hope and want.
I know it's hard to hear now, but everyone is right, you have to get rid of her and move on. She has basically ruined your life, and she will not stop doing that.
There are lots of great girls out there, who want to meet good guys. In Toronto, there are lots of slimeballs in the 30s looking for chicks, it's really hard for them to meet nice guys. You seem like a good guy, so you should not have any trouble finding another nice girl.
I'm not sure if it is still around, but The Orbit Room in Toronto (on College) has a lot of men/women in their 30s hanging out there. Good live funk music, happy and cheerful vibe, and lots of cool people. Why don't you stop by a place like that, sit at the bar, have a drink and see what happens? Maybe you will meet someone nice there. You have nothing to lose.
But if you stay with that girl, you have everything to lose.
Good luck, and feel free to PM me for any reason. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, and I'm probably better giving advice than taking it

[r3gill]

Hey bro sorry to hear about your loss but those old sayings are there for a reason. A wise man won't do the same mistake again. So when she turned her back on you first time that should have been it, but i guess its easier said than done. I don't know what religion you're from. But in my bible it says.... don't expect ANYONE to be with you forever. So sit down for a minute and bring a change in your life.
Talking about her I know many many woman like her. They can't decide never and she's a perfect example. Just stay away from her you're only 38 and nothings lost yet. live it for yourself and dont expect anyone to stay with you forever. I've learnt all this and I am only 23. Sometimes I dont give a fu*k type of an attitude is the need and that's exactly what you need.

[Skym]

Sorry to hear.

She sounds like she loves the other dude. She maybe sees something in him (good side of him, not the bad side). He probably puts on the good guy routine after the abuse that he dishes out and she goes back thinking he's changed for the better (your the safety guy). Some lady's like to change men, it's in their nature. But they can also be manipulative and hide it well enough that you don't see it. That's why you get to know them over time, as the good lady routine wears off quickly.

A lady that loves you will support you and you support her all the time. Lady's can seem nice, be kind (manners), but they don't really love you and in some cases can turn on you quicker than you can say hello if they don't get their way. Don't take kindness as love. Being a bright person, your more subseptible to this. I've seen lady's that are intelligent feel the same way as you do, so the above can be seen on both sides on the fence.

[CamJohns122]

Similiar situation happened to be but I am but a youngster, move on and immerse yourself into other activities after my relationship went sour i was distraught i dove headfirst into cars and havent looked back i became a mechanic for a bit, bought my first gtr and started taking on larger and larger automotive projects, its been a year now and im at a much better place but some days its still hard

[plankworx]

So far people have generally posted sound, true advice.
Might be, on a very final, basic level, bloody difficult to accept, but it remains worthwhile.


I have a bit of a different angle on your situation Munib, if you care to read it.

Yourself and others have experience with aspects of psychology and philosophy, does this experience include evolutionary behavioural considerations?

I'll try to explain briefly, starting with a quote:

H.H: "How do you write women so well?" J.N: "I think of a man, then take away reason and accountability."
From 'As Good As It Gets'

From this consider; women ARE NOT RATIONAL. AT ALL. Their motivation is 100% hardwired emotional response to the world. So, what they say has little to do with what they actually do.
In sharp, confusing contrast to the male process of logically determining "what is it that I want/should do?", women may not be aware of the motivations behind much of their behaviour, as it is UNCONSCIOUS hardwired emotional response(desire) to their given situation.

What the heck does this have to do with anything?
Well sir, the average female seeks a few specific archetypes among the men in her life (often they'll say otherwise, but their actions always belie the words).
1)Strong, independant, dominant reproductive partner
2)Reliable, devoted, prosperous primary provider (can also be reproductive partner, see marriages that work, but often not the case)
3)Friendly, supportive secondary providers (friends/associates etc)

The gauge for the related traits to these archetypes is developed, like hozer suggested, early in life. So, while they all follow the same base pattern, some are grossly schewed, or damaged.
Essentially, if a man displays the correct(determined early in life) related traits for a paricular archetype, the average woman will INSTANTLY respond/act accordingly.


This is a really cut-down listing/discussion, but what traits would you say you have been displaying toward this troublesome woman?

By the sounds of it you are, or were, firmly and solely in the '2rovider' archetype. You aren't alone, this is where just about every guy left wondering "wtf happened?" slides to in the UNCONCIOUS mind of his former lover.

"okay, whoop-dee-doo, how does the emotional forensics help your future?"
1)Now you might have slightly more of an idea of how/why your next, hopefully more compatible, companion will respond.
2)The above allows you to avoid dipping into the 'only-a-friendly-wallet' zone.
3)Decrease in rage, if only a little. People respond to purposeful malice with far greater anger than when actions are, or appear, unintentional/accidental. Perhaps now having a different take on why women are how they are, you will find interactions less frustrating, if not less disappointing.


Whew, that's the female side in brief(No, really, that IS brief), now a quick blurb on support:

People are social creatures. We require a diverse social network to function at all properly. So I'll chorus many others and say; follow your interests (any, all, oddball, smalltime, bigtime) to others. Anything with 3+ people interested in it has, by definition, a network you can connect with.
The last thing a person should do is start closing off connections to social groups, keep them alive!

Yes indeed dependable 'real' friends are a rare, rare thing. But the only way to stack the odds is to meet more, different people.
So get out there and revel in any little source of bliss! all people are drawn to anyone having even the most brief goodtimes, and the worthwhile women will come to you.


thats an 'ishload of info, let me know of any required clarification/further notes.

[GTRADDICT]

You are the real deal man! Every woman is looking for a guy like you. She is in a vicious circle of abuse. I can't understand your pain but you have to get out of there. With your kindness you will find a nice girl who can give back some TLC. You are the better person in all of this. You helped her twice!! You we're her friend trough all of this! etc. Keep being the better man and don't revenge... Remember... Karma is there.
Keep on trucking man!