Guide a fellow GTRCer with a real life tragedy

[CDGuy]

ctd from original post....


Everyday I think about the girl who lied, who ****** with my heart... I dunno if you can see how I feel, how much I hurt, but I'm not entirely unlike you.

/end

[judasentinel]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Suddenly, my own tragedy seems insignificant to me, compared to yours. I can understand your feelings and heartache, and perhaps you are a better and bigger person for not having shared this until you absolutely had to, and I appreciate that.

Because of the encouragement that I have received from all my friends here on GTRC and the wisdom shared throughout the posts you all made on this thread, I have had some startling realizations, which have to a very large extent made me feel a lot more positive and better deep inside. The greatest realization is that I have been feeling lonely and alone, while I had the treasure of you all as friends right here, willing to lend a hand. The second profound learning is that I was too attached to a specific outcome of what I want out of this. And over the last few days, these realizations have helped me see my relationship and friendship with her in a very different light. I read the Bible and the Koran, and got a glaring glimpse into the lives of people like Jesus, who spent their lives (according to both of those books) for the benefit of others. And I thought, "I am being very selfish that all I see is what 'I' want, and not what she wants. As much as I have the right to be happy and pursue what i want, so does she. And at that very moment, I forgave her, I forgave all her transgressions and all her insincerity. I realized that she did the BEST that she was capable of and I was wrong to have expected and asked for more than what a person was capable of giving. I became free of the shackles of ego.

I am free now. I am not moving out for now, because of financial restrictions and commitment to see the lease through (its in both our names). I am also not moving out because she has finally confessed to the truth about what was really happening. We had a very very long talk and we have both agreed that this thing is not going to work like that. In a sense, we have had a closure and I have left my case in God's hands to help her heal through this and enable her to be a stronger and more fulfilled person. I love her, yes, and always will, but I am not going to let ANYONE walk all over me now. She knows it.

Once again, I thank you all for having helped me pull through this. If it were not for this forum and the glorious ensemble of my fellow GTRCers, this would have been a much steeper uphill task.

Now let's meet up and have some fun. I may not be in my GTR, but rest assured, if there is a meet and I am not committed elsewhere with work, I will be sure to drive over in my beater Pathfinder. Nissan FTW!!

[CDGuy]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Suddenly, my own tragedy seems insignificant to me, compared to yours. I can understand your feelings and heartache, and perhaps you are a better and bigger person for not having shared this until you absolutely had to, and I appreciate that.

I haven't told one single person this story, of my pain and anguish. So GTRC, and directly you, you're the first one who knows of it.

My family, my friends, my current girl, they all know nothing of it.

TBH, I never ever expected I could ever love anyone like I did Kaoru. She broke me down mentally and physically so many times, and I felt myself crying as I wrote that story to you. I wish heartache on nobody, that's when most people bash me on here I neglect to take offense to it.

If only she knew how incredibly much she means to me. I wonder if she's in Tokyo, everyday, I wonder... I wonder if she ever thinks of me, or misses me, like I do her.

I'll never know. Over 100 million people in Japan, and with Kaoru and Onuki both being popular names in Japan, I'm stuck - I'll never be able to find her.

Do what you can now, and let her go. Be happy you can go see her when you want, because it's not the same for me, and from the sounds of it, you shared alot more intimacy with her then you even knew.

Steve.

[RixR32]

Munib, sent you a PM.

Agreed with most people here. LEAVE. Cut all ties, concentrate on your kids.
People like that ("punch lovers") rarely change.

I think we have all been in situations like this at one point in our lives, and can relate, obviously to a more or lesser degree.
Keep your head up. You deserve better.


Rick

[CDGuy]

How is it going overall Munib?

[Oakville]

it was a long day **

[falcon]

Women... **** 'em

[Oakville]

Im new to it all aaron, i wish I could...i feel this tie to it that I feel like i dont want to give up. !

[supguyex]

think of her like a drug.... you just gotta cut it out... seriously man, you seem like a great guy, and if a chick can't take you for who you are... then **** em.... don't worry bout her, cos there's gonna be an even better girl for you..
i know it's lame... but try this song.. really helped me get through rough times

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA

[Muss]

Girls shouldn't get guys this down. Come on boys, it's one broad. She may seem like the world but there are hundreds of others out there who look just as good, have the same personality, and will treat you better.

Just detach, who cares, not worth it, **** 'em.

[JNS Performance]

No one listens to love line with doctor drew? Mostly listen for the lawls while at work but sometimes they have some interesting topics...

Anyway someone calls in with basically this identical story every night, he ALWAYS says she won't change because she is attracted to that type of guy. No matter how much she hates the situation she is always attracted to abusers. He always recommends seeking professional help.

and 99% sure she was abused sexually or physically sometime in her childhood and she is now trying to relive those experiences. That is usually the root of the problem, the human brain is kind of messed up hey?

[Oakville]

thanks jon and stephen, I had a long chat with her this morning and im good now, got a lot of sht off my chest and feeling good. I just gotta figure out how to get all this stuff off my mind quicker...someone let me drive their gtr please

[Snow]

I applaud your attempt^^

[M13]

I'm sorry, I LOL'd at some people's "tips" and a great fiction novel in between that too.

Juda, with all due respect, all I can tell you is to move on, be a bigger man. This woman has destroyed your work/life/emotions. Is she worth it to stick around? You sound like a collected person who should easily shrug this off.

Your sig says to pick between reliable, fast and cheap. From the sounds of it, she can't even offer you one. Move on, have a break, refocus your devotion to the car, your kids and your friends (guys).

Here is a beer to ya. Cheer up!

[judasentinel]

Things are the same as such. The yo-yo-ing continues on her part from being affectionate and expressive of love for me, to going to see her ex at least a few times a week. Up until last week, she started to say that she wasn't going to associate with him and was glad that they were not talking anymore. But this week, she went to see him after work on Sunday at 6 pm and came back the next day at 4 in the morning. What was I supposed to think of that? I just played it cool and made no issue of it. She said she had gone to see his family with him. But coming back at 4 am? And then after that, we just went to bed. No intimacy, nothing. We slept in and then went out to do some chores together. Last night, before going to bed, she excused herself and went outside the house to call him again before going to bed. She doesn't want him to know that she is living with me. But she is ok with me knowing that she is in touch with him. Clear message in that, isn't there?

I am trying very very hard to detach myself from her. But the only way I can do it is by being a total idiot and a jerk towards her. And that is not my character. Somewhere along the line, my ego is making me want to be right, the victim, the one abused and the one who deserves retribution. And that is the evil that I struggle with. I am doing my part to be as non-chalant as I can, and it better start working soon.

If I didnt have my name on the lease and had the wheels for my Skyline, I would have found another place to live and moved out. But my hands are tied right now, until I can come up with funds to buy wheels and the move itself, plus first and last.

I also want to take your opinions on this flippy behavior from her - one day she is all good to me and we have a great time together. And slowly, over the next few days, she retreats, and back into her self and then starts to associate herself with her ex. And when she does that, she completely loses any sense of care and concern for me. And then tells me that she feels guilty for giving em mixed signals. She doesn't want to hurt me, I know, but she doesn't know that a lot of her actions do. And she doesn't even realize what could hurt me. How do I deal with this yoyo-ing? When she is nice to me, should I play along? Or do I distance myself from her? Living under the same roof with a person like that is quite torturous, you know.